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GOT A GOOD JOKE??
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    debborah1
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    GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by debborah1 » Thu Jun 10, 2010 3:30 pm

    Share your joke!
    This is a good one I heard today...

    A little laugh for ya :)

    A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young
    mothers and their small children. "You all have obsessions," he
    observed.

    To the first mother, Mary, he said, "You are obsessed with eating.

    You've even named your daughter Candy."

    He turned to the second Mom, Ann: "Your obsession is with money.

    Again, it manifests itself in your child's name,Penny."

    He turned to the third Mom, Joyce: "Your obsession is alcohol. This
    too shows itself in your child's name Brandy."

    At this point, the fourth mother, Kathy, quietly got up, took her
    little boy by the hand, and whispered, "Come on, Dick, this guy has
    no idea what he's talking about. Let's pick up Peter and Willy from
    school and go get dinner.
    :shock: :lol: :lol:
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    viathyn
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by viathyn » Thu Jun 10, 2010 3:35 pm

    Mario: Is there a problem, officer?

    Cop: Quite a few, actually. First off, you're speeding.

    Mario: I'm trying to win a race.

    Cop: Illegal street racing on the wrong side of the highway?

    Mario: Well when you put it like that...

    Cop: And littering. That banana peel you threw back there caused an accident.

    Mario: Yeah, about the banana. Wario was all up in my sh*t so I had to send him packing.

    Cop: I'll also have to write you up for endangering a child.

    Mario: Oh, because I've got Baby Luigi with me? He's fine. Not a bad racer himself.

    Cop: You...you let the baby drive for you?

    Mario: It's not a big deal. If he careens off a cliff, that flying turtle guy will pull us out with his fishing pole.

    Cop: ...Did you take any drugs before you started driving today, sir?

    Mario: No, but I picked up some mushrooms while I was driving today.

    Cop: Sir, step out of the car.

    Mario: Listen, officer. Maybe we can work something out. How about a hundred gold coins?

    Cop: I'm not taking bribes! And where the hell did you get so much gold!?

    Mario: I punched a bunch of bricks.

    Cop: Step. Out. Of. The. Car.

    Mario: Fine. But not finishing this race is going to kill my chances at the Star Cup. You're practically handing it to Donkey Kong.

    Cop: ...Donkey Kong?

    Mario: He's a gorilla.

    Cop: You were racing a gorilla?

    Mario: And various dinosaur mutants. Also, more babies.
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by debborah1 » Thu Jun 10, 2010 3:46 pm

    I said a GOOD joke Jake!!! LOL...JK JK love ya!! :shock:
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by ShoreSlayer » Thu Jun 10, 2010 9:06 pm

    Not a joke really. Just something I had to post but figured here was better than a thread of it's own... As some of you know, I'm studying to get a certificate in TESOL (teaching English to Speakers of Other Languages). A number of my classmates are, themselves, not native English speakers. Weeks ago, I brought a can of Mug Root Beer to class and one of them asked what it was. I explained but brought one for her next class so she could try it. Next class after that, she brought me a drink that's popular in Japan called Ramune. Then, in a recent e-mail, she wrote saying, "I wanted to do something for you in return that you brought me Root Bear"

    My first reaction after reading that was, "Herbalist relative of Witch Bear's?"

    That is all :P
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by viathyn » Thu Jun 10, 2010 11:20 pm

    Image haha


    And mine was funny deb.. as long as you've played mario kart !!haha
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by ShoreSlayer » Thu Jun 10, 2010 11:57 pm

    viathyn wrote:And mine was funny deb.. as long as you've played mario kart !!haha


    I've played Mario Kart

    enough said :cry:
    So far at least, 2011, 2012 & 2015 were enough for me
    :shred:Book 'em ANDO!! :headbanger:

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    viathyn
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by viathyn » Fri Jun 11, 2010 6:25 am

    :|
    feeeeck.
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by ShoreSlayer » Fri Jun 11, 2010 8:30 am

    e-mailed to me by a buddy this morning...


    It's Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right at center ice.
    He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty.
    He leans over and asks his neighbour if someone will be sitting there.

    "No," says the neighbour. "The seat is empty."
    "This is incredible", said the man.
    "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the final game of the Stanley Cup playoffs and not use it?"

    The neighbour says, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away.
    This is the first Stanley Cup we
    haven't been to together since we got married in 1967."

    "Oh ... I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you find someone else, a friend or a relative, or even a neighbour to take the seat?"

    The man shakes his head. "No. They're all at the funeral."


    mwah mwa mwaaaaaaaahhh
    So far at least, 2011, 2012 & 2015 were enough for me
    :shred:Book 'em ANDO!! :headbanger:

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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by debborah1 » Fri Jun 11, 2010 8:33 am

    viathyn wrote:Image haha


    And mine was funny deb.. as long as you've played mario kart !!haha

    yEAH...i KINDA FIGURED THAT WAS MY PROBLEM....never was a video gamer...i read it and was like ?HUH? lol :?
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by debborah1 » Fri Jun 11, 2010 8:35 am

    ShoreSlayer wrote:e-mailed to me by a buddy this morning...


    It's Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right at center ice.
    He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty.
    He leans over and asks his neighbour if someone will be sitting there.

    "No," says the neighbour. "The seat is empty."
    "This is incredible", said the man.
    "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the final game of the Stanley Cup playoffs and not use it?"

    The neighbour says, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away.
    This is the first Stanley Cup we
    haven't been to together since we got married in 1967."

    "Oh ... I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you find someone else, a friend or a relative, or even a neighbour to take the seat?"

    The man shakes his head. "No. They're all at the funeral."


    mwah mwa mwaaaaaaaahhh

    Ha haaa... :lol: Thats tragic!
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by viathyn » Fri Jun 11, 2010 9:24 am

    Ok I'm going to attemp to type one out here..
    *cracks knuckles*

    So, two guys were sitting in the bar, drowning their sorrows in pint after pint of good ol' liquid courage.
    One of these guys was a regular here, and knew the bartender pretty well, so they kept getting refilled as soon as they were done.
    After a few hours, both of these guys were just completely fall-down cross-eyed drunk.
    The regular looks to the other and says "I've never really told anyone this, but there's a magical roof on this building!"
    "fuck the fuck off you drunk bastard" says the other.
    "No, no, really! If you stand in a certain part of the roof, you can jump off and then float to the ground unscathed! I figured this out one day when I was really down in the dumps and decided to end it all. This miracle gave me new hope for my life."

    The second man is convinced at this point and so both of them go on up to the roof.
    The first man stands in a certain place, and then jumps off the roof. He plummets for several stories and then gently lands on the ground, light as a feather.
    The second man, thinking this is totally awesome (as anyone would) jumps off from the same place.

    He falls fast for the entire height and smashes into the pavement. A fine mist of his blood sprays out onto the surrounding from the initial smack and subsequent reberberations of his body on the sidewalk. Most of his limbs break as his joints are folded into unnatural positions. Several of his internal organs rupture and spill fluids into his abdominal cavity. Ribs puncture his collapsed lungs. His teeth all lodge themselves back into his throat. His brains are dashed out onto the pavement in a semicircle from his shattered skull that is reminiscent of if someone had dropped an open can of cat food onto their kitchen floor. (You guys get the picture, yeah?)

    The regular walks back into the bar and the bartender says
    "Really? Again? You know, you really are a c*nt when you're drunk superman."
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by Disaster Area » Fri Jun 11, 2010 9:28 am

    ^^^ :lol: :lol: :lol: niiiice^^^^

    reminds me of a great recurring theme in "Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy" of which I am of course a huge fan...

    "There is an art, it says, or rather, a knack to flying. The knack lies in learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss. [...] Clearly, it is this second part, the missing, which presents the difficulties."

    now, back to the riot...

    :givebeer: and incendiaries
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by viathyn » Fri Jun 11, 2010 9:33 am

    Disaster Area wrote:
    reminds me of a great recurring theme in "Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy" of which I am of course a huge fan...


    Ah yes.. the "LOUDEST SOUND OF ANY KIND... ANYWHERE"
    If I had a concrete bunker 37 miles away I would totally listen to disaster area!

    I have to read those books again..
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by ShoreSlayer » Fri Jun 11, 2010 9:36 am

    viathyn wrote:I have to read those books again..


    Long Dark Tea Time Of The Soul ftw baby! I really must reread that sucker soon!!
    So far at least, 2011, 2012 & 2015 were enough for me
    :shred:Book 'em ANDO!! :headbanger:

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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by ShoreSlayer » Fri Jun 11, 2010 5:41 pm

    When threads collide ver 1.0:

    It was a couple of days before Kate Schechter became aware of any of these things, or indeed of anything at all in the outside world.
    She passed the time quietly in a world of her own in which she was surrounded as far as the eye could see with old cabin trunks full of past memories in which she rummaged with great curiosity, and sometimes bewilderment. Or, at least, about a tenth of the cabin trunks were full of vivid, and often painful or uncomfortable memories of her past life; the other nine-tenths were full of penguins, which surprised her. Insofar as she recognised at all that she was dreaming, she realised that she must be exploring her own subconscious mind. She had heard it said that humans are supposed only to use about a tenth of their brains, and that no one was very clear what the other nine-tenths were for, but she had certainly never heard it suggested that they were used for storing penguins.
    So far at least, 2011, 2012 & 2015 were enough for me
    :shred:Book 'em ANDO!! :headbanger:

    :boobs: 2018/2019 Hockeyagi Champion :boobs:
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by Disaster Area » Fri Jun 11, 2010 5:52 pm

    Doug Adams was so unintentionally metal. What a f'ing genius. HE get's a BIG R.I.P. from me (unlike that guy silly mask-wearing bass player, of forum threads past...)

    Doug Adams, wherever thou mayest be, YOU FUCKING ROCK!
    :headbanger: :party:

    :givebeer: or a Pangalactic Gargle Blaster
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by VikingGirl » Mon Jun 14, 2010 1:10 pm

    One for Witch Bear...

    The bear was walking around in the forrest one day when he had to take a shit...
    As he was sitting there, a rabbit came hopping towards him.
    "Hi rabbit", said the bear. "Can I ask you a question?"
    "Sure", said the rabbit.
    "Do you have problems with shit sticking to your fur?"
    "Nope, don't have that problem at all!" said the rabbit.

    So the bear grabs the rabbit and uses him to wipe his ass!

    :mrgreen:

    And if that didn't make ya smile....... here's some guy's idea of being metal:

    funny-pun-photos-where-is-the-recycling-truck-when-you-need-it.jpg
    Eva

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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by debborah1 » Tue Jun 15, 2010 9:02 am

    Little Janice was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me Janice, who created the universe?" When Janice didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear.

    "God Almighty!" shouted Janice and the teacher said, "Very good" and Janice fell back asleep.

    A while later the teacher asked Janice, "Who is our Lord and Saviour." But, Janice didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again.

    "Jesus Christ!" shouted Janice and the teacher said, "Very good," and Janice fell back asleep.

    Then the teacher asked Janice a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" and again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin.

    This time Janice jumped up and shouted, "If you stick me with that thing one more time, I'll break it in half and stick it up your ***!" :headbanger: :lol: :lol:

    ... the teacher fainted!
    lol.....what a way to start the day!
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by debborah1 » Wed Jun 16, 2010 7:59 am

    I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we
    decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me...It was her beautiful younger sister.

    My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight mini skirts, and generally was bra-less. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a nice view. It had to be deliberate. Because she never did it when she was near anyone else.

    One day her 'little' sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was
    alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.

    Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word.

    She said, 'I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling,
    just come up and get me.'

    I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. I stood there for a
    moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.

    aggggghhhhhhhh... And behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!

    With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, 'We are very happy that you have passed our
    little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.'

    And the moral of this story is:

    Always keep your condoms in your car.
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by nekrobarr » Wed Jun 16, 2010 8:20 am

    Impotence is natures way of saying "no hard feelings."
    10-time Survivor
    I <3 Funeral Doom

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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by debborah1 » Wed Jun 16, 2010 8:33 am

    nekrobarr wrote:Impotence is natures way of saying "no hard feelings."

    bwaaa ha haaaa... :lol: Now that shit is funny!...thx for the chuckle! :headbanger:
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by debborah1 » Fri Jun 18, 2010 7:42 am

    "Hey baby, wanna come to myspace and twitter my yahoo until I google all over your facebook?" :shock:
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by ShoreSlayer » Fri Jun 18, 2010 9:17 am

    debborah1 wrote:"Hey baby, wanna come to myspace and twitter my yahoo until I google all over your facebook?" :shock:


    See? Here I was thinking I was supposed to twitter her google 'til she yahooed!! Good thing I've learned to stop and ask for directions :P

    Women should come with a GPS ('Gasm Procedural Simplicity?)
    So far at least, 2011, 2012 & 2015 were enough for me
    :shred:Book 'em ANDO!! :headbanger:

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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by debborah1 » Fri Jun 18, 2010 9:25 am

    ShoreSlayer wrote:
    debborah1 wrote:"Hey baby, wanna come to myspace and twitter my yahoo until I google all over your facebook?" :shock:


    See? Here I was thinking I was supposed to twitter her google 'til she yahooed!! Good thing I've learned to stop and ask for directions :P

    Women should come with a GPS ('Gasm Procedural Simplicity?)

    Aw Rob!...You need to watch more Dr. Oz!...He had a piece on his show where he had HUGE arrows pointing the way....exactly LOL :cheers:
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by ShoreSlayer » Fri Jun 18, 2010 9:28 am

    Oh sure... now the 'Doctor' with all the answers just happens to be related to the mysterious wizard behind the curtain. I see how it is...
    So far at least, 2011, 2012 & 2015 were enough for me
    :shred:Book 'em ANDO!! :headbanger:

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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by debborah1 » Fri Jun 18, 2010 9:33 am

    ShoreSlayer wrote:Oh sure... now the 'Doctor' with all the answers just happens to be related to the mysterious wizard behind the curtain. I see how it is...

    ha ha ha ha haaa......"behind the curtain"....now THATS funny!

    I hope the GPS you are referring to isn't like the one I have in my vehicle!....I dont know how many times that thing has steered me in the wrong direction!!!
    Wouldn't want you to be running into walls or anything...ha haha ;)

    :givebeer: and a man with REALLY accurate GPS!!
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by ShoreSlayer » Fri Jun 18, 2010 9:36 am

    Oh man you crack me up some mornings!! Great way to start the weekend!! Well, that AND A BAND ANNOUNCEMENT THAT DOESN'T REQUIRE A FREAKING DECODER RING PLZZZ!!!!!
    So far at least, 2011, 2012 & 2015 were enough for me
    :shred:Book 'em ANDO!! :headbanger:

    :boobs: 2018/2019 Hockeyagi Champion :boobs:
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    nekrobarr
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by nekrobarr » Fri Jun 18, 2010 9:58 am

    One of my old faves...

    Vampire walks into a bar and orders a cup of hot water. Bartender says "i thought you guys only drink blood?" Vampire produces a used tampon and replies "i'm making tea!"


    Also, depression is just anger without enthusiasm.

    Cheers!
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    I <3 Funeral Doom

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    debborah1
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by debborah1 » Fri Jun 18, 2010 10:00 am

    ShoreSlayer wrote:Oh man you crack me up some mornings!! Great way to start the weekend!! Well, that AND A BAND ANNOUNCEMENT THAT DOESN'T REQUIRE A FREAKING DECODER RING PLZZZ!!!!!

    Likewise my Metal friend!...between you & Craig..Jake, Scott, MW and the slew of others in here...I will definatley have six pack ABs from all the laughter!! Good stuff...Now where did I put my de-coder ring? :?
    2011 MAIDEN VOYAGE SURVIVOR!
    2012 cabin #7538.....2nd time survivor!!
    \m/ >.< \m/
    2014.....3RD TIME SURVIVOR
    2015.....BOOKED
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by Jöhn&Melönius » Sun Jun 20, 2010 2:03 pm

    Husband walks up to his wife with a sheep under his arm.
    "Well this is the pig I've been fucking." he says.
    "That's a sheep you idiot" she exclaims.
    "I was talking to the sheep."
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    viathyn
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by viathyn » Mon Jun 21, 2010 9:10 am

    debborah1 wrote:
    ShoreSlayer wrote:Oh man you crack me up some mornings!! Great way to start the weekend!! Well, that AND A BAND ANNOUNCEMENT THAT DOESN'T REQUIRE A FREAKING DECODER RING PLZZZ!!!!!

    Likewise my Metal friend!...between you & Craig..Jake, Scott, MW and the slew of others in here...I will definatley have six pack ABs from all the laughter!! Good stuff...Now where did I put my de-coder ring? :?

    I will likely still have a 1-pack, but not due to a lack of laughter around here!
    2011: Cabin #5549
    2012: Cabin #2581
    2013: Cabin #2077
    2014: Cabin #2583
    2015: Cabin #3242


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    Disaster Area
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by Disaster Area » Mon Jun 21, 2010 2:18 pm

    Dear (insert deity of choice),

    Thank you for the internet.

    http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Black_Metal

    amen

    :givebeer:
    Disaster Area: a plutonium rock band from the Gagrakacka Mind Zones, are generally held to be not only the loudest rock band in the history of the Galaxy, but the loudest noise of any kind at all.

    Vet of 2011,12,14,15,16
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by viathyn » Mon Jun 21, 2010 2:24 pm

    HAHAHA fuck yes.


    Image

    Image
    2011: Cabin #5549
    2012: Cabin #2581
    2013: Cabin #2077
    2014: Cabin #2583
    2015: Cabin #3242


    Please check out my band
    http://www.facebook.com/VIATHYN

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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by viathyn » Mon Jun 21, 2010 2:27 pm

    2011: Cabin #5549
    2012: Cabin #2581
    2013: Cabin #2077
    2014: Cabin #2583
    2015: Cabin #3242


    Please check out my band
    http://www.facebook.com/VIATHYN

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    debborah1
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by debborah1 » Tue Jun 22, 2010 1:53 pm

    Women Are Evil By Nature...
    >>
    >> A woman went up to the bar in a quiet rural pub.
    >> She gestured alluringly to the bartender who approached her immediately.
    >> She seductively signalled that he should bring his face closer to hers.
    >> As he did, she gently caressed his full beard.
    >> "Are you the manager?" she asked, softly stroking his face with both
    >> hands.
    >> "Actually, no," he replied.
    >> "Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him," she said, running her
    >> hands beyond his beard and into his hair.
    >> "I'm afraid I can't," breathed the bartender. "Is there anything I can
    >> do?"
    >> "Yes. I need for you to give him a message," she continued, running her
    >> forefinger across the bartender's lip and slyly popping a couple of her
    >> fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.
    >> "What should I tell him?" the bartender managed to say.
    >> "Tell him," she whispered,
    >> "There's no toilet paper, hand soap, or paper towels in the ladies room."
    2011 MAIDEN VOYAGE SURVIVOR!
    2012 cabin #7538.....2nd time survivor!!
    \m/ >.< \m/
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    ShoreSlayer
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by ShoreSlayer » Sat Jun 26, 2010 4:02 pm

    Not really a punchline type joke or anything but I figured I'd dump this here rather than create a new thread...

    As some of you may have read in posts past, I'm happy to say that some of my tastes extend beyond metal. One of my favourite, class act artists of all time is the band Concrete Blonde and, in particular, their frontwoman Johnette Napolitano. She just writes and sings purely from the heart and, in my opinion, has a soulful voice like no other. She's also a very cool and humble chick who's replied personally to some messages I've sent her and did so in a way that left me feeling like she was just someone I knew or like she saw me as an equal person and not some dumb fan.

    Anyways, f'ing pissed me off to hear that CB had done a little mini-tour this past month or so to commemorate the 20 year anniversary of their big breakout album, Bloodletting. Tour never came to Vancouver but it did hit Seattle and I would have driven down to see it (I just would have had to see Maiden down there instead since the Maiden Vancouver show and the CB Seattle show were on the same night). So, a day late and a dollar short once again, I made a point of subscribing to her myspace blog so I don't miss another gig any time down the road. Then today, she posts this. I thought some of you might get a laugh out of it :cool:

    Portland, Lucky You...
    Current mood:huh?
    Category: Parties and Nightlife
    We're talking rock and roll here, people.

    It is 'road tradition' to fuck with your tour-mate the last gig. Putting some serious thought into what I should do to Jim Bianco here in Portland on his last show of the tour, I'd decided on my old standby, the Nun Habit. Somehow everything's funny when a nun is involved, and we'd managed to score, with the help of the staff at Roseland, a nun's habit for the evening. Bianco was about halfway into his set when I, in my blind man's dark glasses and swinging a bottle of Jack Daniels, (none for me thanks) stumbled across the stage during his song 'Sinner'. Now, that wasn't really planned, I'd meant to go on for the last song but damn those habits are hot and I just had to get out there and do it, get off and slam my makeup on for my set.. the costume rental fee was well worth the look on the fucker's face when he saw a nun onstage beside him.

    I knew I would be in trouble because I know Jim Bianco and when we walked to the stage he was in the parking lot by the bus, smoking and pondering. Oh shit.

    Had a bit of a tough time; my voice is raw around the edges today but what a great crowd - everyone seemed to be into it. I finally managed to negotiate my range and find a place in my throat to sing from..thanks to my crew for the Tabasco and hot Yogi tea, which saved the rest of the set…

    So we're in the stairwell before the encore and toweling off and here's Jim Bianco
    demanding my panties. Seriously, and I don't mean to make you uncomfortable, but
    by the end of the set, they're very well - used - and I hesitate. Wrong. Checkmate.
    Rising to the challenge, I indeed take off my panties and throw them at Bianco.

    We take the stage for the admittedly sloppy encore and here comes Bianco onstage in my fucking panties, dancing and grinding and then he fucking stagedives into the audience, crowdsurfing in his fucking striped socks and MY DAMN UNDERWEAR I HAD WORN THE WHOLE SET. But then I look out and he's not only crowdsurfing but FLIPPING ME OFF with BOTH HANDS at the SAME TIME. He seriously kicked my ass. I am quite, as they say in England, Gobsmacked. After completely kicking my ass and one-upping my Nundance and no doubt leaving the audience in a freaking state of what-the-fuck-just-happened, stageside he's once again back in his own pants, and, trying not to gloat TOO much, tosses me back my panties. Bastard. Damn he's good.

    Don't fuck with Jim Bianco is all I have to say.

    We may all need therapy after tonight…
    So far at least, 2011, 2012 & 2015 were enough for me
    :shred:Book 'em ANDO!! :headbanger:

    :boobs: 2018/2019 Hockeyagi Champion :boobs:
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    ShoreSlayer
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by ShoreSlayer » Tue Jun 29, 2010 10:42 am

    Okay, that fell severely FLAT!! :lol:

    Here's one I stole from last night's Last Comic Standing...


    My father was a gambler.

    We were RICH!... seven times

    (poor eight times no doubt :D)

    Every time he won, we got all new stuff. New toys, new furniture...

    Every time he lost, we had a yard sale :lol:
    So far at least, 2011, 2012 & 2015 were enough for me
    :shred:Book 'em ANDO!! :headbanger:

    :boobs: 2018/2019 Hockeyagi Champion :boobs:
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    debborah1
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by debborah1 » Thu Jul 01, 2010 12:55 pm

    Classifieds
    These classifieds actually ran in a Minneapolis newspapers - a few smiles for your day....

    FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
    8-years old. Hateful little bastard. Bites!

    FREE PUPPIES:
    1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog.


    Free Puppies:
    Mother, AKC German Shepherd.
    Father, Super Dog...able to leap tall fences in a single bound.

    FOUND DIRTY WHITE DOG.
    Looks like a rat. Been out awhile.
    Better be a big reward.

    COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED.
    Also 1 gay bull for sale.

    NORDIC TRACK
    $300 Hardly used, call Chubby.

    GEORGIA PEACHES
    California grown - 89 cents/lb.

    JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
    Must sell washer and dryer $300..

    WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE .
    Worn once by mistake. Call Stephanie.

    And the best one?:

    FOR SALE BY OWNER:
    Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes.. Excellent condition. $1000 or best offer
    Got married last month and wife knows everything!
    2011 MAIDEN VOYAGE SURVIVOR!
    2012 cabin #7538.....2nd time survivor!!
    \m/ >.< \m/
    2014.....3RD TIME SURVIVOR
    2015.....BOOKED
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    ShoreSlayer
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by ShoreSlayer » Thu Jul 01, 2010 1:07 pm

    Nice!!

    I was driving down the road in Surrey on Father's Day and saw a bus bench ad for a real estate agent that read, "Randy Leonard Real Estate... Let me list your home and if you're not satisfied, I'll sell it for FREE!"

    Something to that affect... Wish I'd taken a picture :lol:
    So far at least, 2011, 2012 & 2015 were enough for me
    :shred:Book 'em ANDO!! :headbanger:

    :boobs: 2018/2019 Hockeyagi Champion :boobs:
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    debborah1
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    Re: GOT A GOOD JOKE??

    by debborah1 » Thu Jul 01, 2010 1:41 pm

    ShoreSlayer wrote:Nice!!

    I was driving down the road in Surrey on Father's Day and saw a bus bench ad for a real estate agent that read, "Randy Leonard Real Estate... Let me list your home and if you're not satisfied, I'll sell it for FREE!"

    Something to that affect... Wish I'd taken a picture :lol:

    yEAH THEY REALLY DIDNT THINK THAT ONE THROUGH DID THEY?! :lol:
    2011 MAIDEN VOYAGE SURVIVOR!
    2012 cabin #7538.....2nd time survivor!!
    \m/ >.< \m/
    2014.....3RD TIME SURVIVOR
    2015.....BOOKED
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