this is a rant i wrote in a fit of rage but figured i should share it with you all since we are about 2 weeks out
Hello my name is Capt.Oblivious and i am here to share the following tips to make your hotel stay better for both you and your family.
1) this is for both Ladies and Gentlemen : fiber its your friend eat more of it leading up to the week before your hotel stay and continue eating it while your here. it saves the pain and suffering of literally shitting a brick and it means the hotel staff do not have to plunge your shitty toilet.
2) Ladies only for this one : everyone knows you use feminine hygiene products stop fucking flushing them your not hiding anything. a tampon is designed to expand ... a lot and if i have to snake another one out of our pipes i am going to scream.
3) this one is much more vital then the rest and it is for both males and females : treat your hotel front desk person as a human being not as your fucking slave. or if you are going to yell at me have the balls to do it to my face not just over the phone just because face to face i am 5'10" tall and 260ish lbs and when pissed off i can pull off a damn good 1000 meter stare does not mean you were talking to someone else on the phone when i was trying to be kind and diplomatic.
4) and lastly if someone does have to plunge your shitty toilet TIP THEM!!!!!!! FOR FUCKS SAKE. i do not do this job so that i can get splashed with your shit and have to take a shower after cleaning up for you filthy fucking mongrels.
this has been a public service announcement for your friendly hotel staff please stay here again in the future