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Re: Remembering Laura (MadameLePink)

by mooyagi » Fri Jan 18, 2013 6:32 am

Wonderful! We'll be there to support you if you need it. I hope the trip really helps and we'll see you on broad. :cheers:
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Re: Remembering Laura (MadameLePink)

by Tobias_Sweden » Fri Jan 18, 2013 11:57 am

Thanks for the kind words Soda and Gnoff!!!

I will do my absolutly best to look after you on the cruise! I love you so much and I'm so happy and proud to be youre brother!!! I'm touched to read about all the love you all give Fredrik here on the forum. I look forward to see everyone of you in a week!!!!!!!!

I really hope Ensiferum will play Burning Leaves :)

Love to you all, see you soon :)
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Re: Remembering Laura (MadameLePink)

by gnoff_the_creep » Fri Jan 18, 2013 12:37 pm

Tobias_Sweden wrote:Thanks for the kind words Soda and Gnoff!!!

I will do my absolutly best to look after you on the cruise! I love you so much and I'm so happy and proud to be youre brother!!! I'm touched to read about all the love you all give Fredrik here on the forum. I look forward to see everyone of you in a week!!!!!!!!

I really hope Ensiferum will play Burning Leaves :)

Love to you all, see you soon :)


Lets share some :cheers:
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Re: Remembering Laura (MadameLePink)

by TOM CRUISE » Fri Jan 18, 2013 4:50 pm

Fredrick , good deal . so glad to see you and meet your brother. The family are very happy your making the journey...
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Re: Remembering Laura (MadameLePink)

by KDibildeaux » Fri Jan 18, 2013 6:04 pm

That's awesome Fredrik! We all will really love seeing you and will try and help to distract you, if you need it, or listen to you, if you like :)
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Re: Remembering Laura (MadameLePink)

by torpedo20 » Mon Jan 21, 2013 12:47 pm

Looking forward to seeing you both onbroad :headbanger:

Really glad that you're joinin us again on 70k; after all, we're all are in one big family.
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Re: Remembering Laura (MadameLePink)

by Goddess of Metal » Tue Jan 22, 2013 12:55 am

So happy to hear you will be joining us Fredrik! :D Now I can give you that hug in person! ;) You know we are here for you. :cheers:
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Re: Remembering Laura (MadameLePink)

by WizardBeast » Tue Jan 22, 2013 4:33 pm

Tobias! Välkommen!

I am so very very very glad that you and Fredrik will be on the cruise!!! That news totally made my week. We will most definitely enjoy some memorable times! :headbanger:
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Re: Remembering Laura (MadameLePink)

by Daenerys » Wed Jan 23, 2013 10:53 pm

In remembrance of Laura and support of Fredrik, I made a bunch of pink flower boutonnieres to wear while on broad. I will have them at the beach party too, available to any one who wants one :beerwink: They're made with safety pins, so they'll stay securely fastened while you're :shred:, :deathmetal:, :bangers: or :boobs: :D
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Re: Remembering Laura (MadameLePink)

by mooyagi » Thu Jan 24, 2013 3:21 am

Daenerys wrote:In remembrance of Laura and support of Fredrik, I made a bunch of pink flower boutonnieres to wear while on broad. I will have them at the beach party too, available to any one who wants one :beerwink: They're made with safety pins, so they'll stay securely fastened while you're :shred:, :deathmetal:, :bangers: or :boobs: :D


Excellent!
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Re: Remembering Laura (MadameLePink)

by gnoff_the_creep » Thu Jan 24, 2013 6:24 am

Yes, I like it
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Re: Remembering Laura (MadameLePink)

by WizardBeast » Thu Jan 24, 2013 1:17 pm

gnoff_the_creep wrote:Yes, I like it


awesome! me too!

wearing my pink scarf that i wore when i hung out at Tuska with everyone....
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Re: Remembering Laura (MadameLePink)

by gnoff_the_creep » Thu Jan 24, 2013 1:37 pm

WizardBeast wrote:
gnoff_the_creep wrote:Yes, I like it


awesome! me too!

wearing my pink scarf that i wore when i hung out at Tuska with everyone....



Like that too!!
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Re: Remembering Laura (MadameLePink)

by wut3v4 » Sun Jan 27, 2013 11:03 pm

I'm late commenting on this, but this thread is very touching. I never knew her personally, but certainly knew of her. I remember sitting in the buffet on 70KTOM 2012 and hearing her talk and laugh with friends. She seemed like such a happy and bubbly person. By reading the touching comments on this thread, I can see she had so many great friends. I am glad you will be attending the cruise with such supportive friends. And I think the wearing pink idea is a wonderful way to honor her. Even though I never met her, I too have brought along a pink shirt
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Re: Remembering Laura (MadameLePink)

by Uncle Soda » Mon Feb 04, 2013 4:08 am

Daenerys wrote:In remembrance of Laura and support of Fredrik, I made a bunch of pink flower boutonnieres to wear while on broad. I will have them at the beach party too, available to any one who wants one :beerwink: They're made with safety pins, so they'll stay securely fastened while you're :shred:, :deathmetal:, :bangers: or :boobs: :D


I never got to thank you for this on the boat. What a beautiful thing to do. It warmed my heart seeing the flowers everywhere, as well as the pink ribbons some were wearing <3
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Re: Remembering Laura (MadameLePink)

by gnoff_the_creep » Mon Feb 04, 2013 8:05 am

I managed to keep my pink flower (thanks Steph!) all cruise and even home.
Had the pink ribbon (thanks Riika!) on my lanyard with my card, that I broke Monday evening I think, so lost it together with my mustache lanyard and my key card.

I felt Laura was very much with us on the boat, in our hearts and our memories, from the display of pink to sharing my first ever strawberry margarita with Marlo, to hearing about the Ensiferum song dedication and talking to Andy about the thing UMC did.

I know it was hard for you to go Fredrik, but I am happy that you did and it shows strength and love from your side!
Also glad Tobias could be there for you and as a selfish thought, also a bit for me.

pink <3
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Re: Remembering Laura (MadameLePink)

by TOM CRUISE » Mon Feb 04, 2013 8:37 am

gnoff_the_creep wrote:I managed to keep my pink flower (thanks Steph!) all cruise and even home.
Had the pink ribbon (thanks Riika!) on my lanyard with my card, that I broke Monday evening I think, so lost it together with my mustache lanyard and my key card.

I felt Laura was very much with us on the boat, in our hearts and our memories, from the display of pink to sharing my first ever strawberry margarita with Marlo, to hearing about the Ensiferum song dedication and talking to Andy about the thing UMC did.

I know it was hard for you to go Fredrik, but I am happy that you did and it shows strength and love from your side!
Also glad Tobias could be there for you and as a selfish thought, also a bit for me.

pink <3


Very well put and said Gnoff. I felt her the entire time. Thought about her so much. I never got a pink flower. But I was pink in my heart. Was great to see Fredrick and I got to talk to him at great lengths several times and will cherish our conversation forever.
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Re: Remembering Laura (MadameLePink)

by Daenerys » Mon Feb 04, 2013 9:17 am

Uncle Soda wrote:
Daenerys wrote:In remembrance of Laura and support of Fredrik, I made a bunch of pink flower boutonnieres to wear while on broad. I will have them at the beach party too, available to any one who wants one :beerwink: They're made with safety pins, so they'll stay securely fastened while you're :shred:, :deathmetal:, :bangers: or :boobs: :D


I never got to thank you for this on the boat. What a beautiful thing to do. It warmed my heart seeing the flowers everywhere, as well as the pink ribbons some were wearing <3


It was wonderful to see you *big hug* Ville combined the two the best, with his pink ribbon wrapped around the pink flower and wearing it as an armband. Perfect for his girly metal :mrgreen:

TOM CRUISE wrote:
gnoff_the_creep wrote:I managed to keep my pink flower (thanks Steph!) all cruise and even home.
Had the pink ribbon (thanks Riika!) on my lanyard with my card, that I broke Monday evening I think, so lost it together with my mustache lanyard and my key card.

I felt Laura was very much with us on the boat, in our hearts and our memories, from the display of pink to sharing my first ever strawberry margarita with Marlo, to hearing about the Ensiferum song dedication and talking to Andy about the thing UMC did.

I know it was hard for you to go Fredrik, but I am happy that you did and it shows strength and love from your side!
Also glad Tobias could be there for you and as a selfish thought, also a bit for me.

pink <3


Very well put and said Gnoff. I felt her the entire time. Thought about her so much. I never got a pink flower. But I was pink in my heart. Was great to see Fredrick and I got to talk to him at great lengths several times and will cherish our conversation forever.


Definitely well said. I wanted to give you a flower but I was out of them the only time I think we saw you, at the gathering before leaving port! The pink in your heart and in all of ours is what truly matters because it's eternal :beerwink:
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Re: Remembering Laura (MadameLePink)

by Laura » Sun Feb 10, 2013 11:29 pm

I miss Laura's presence here so much, yet I like to imagine she is doing well wherever her spirit now resides.
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Re: Remembering Laura (MadameLePink)

by gnoff_the_creep » Sat Mar 02, 2013 6:41 pm

Mentioned Laura and what happened to my friends at the beer night tonight, 4 of them met Laura at least once at Tuska, either 2011 or 2012, and they were shocked and very sad to hear the news, but still we could talk about the good times we managed to have and had a beer for her.

Greeting and memories from Tomas, Magnus, Daniel and Johan


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Re: Remembering Laura (MadameLePink)

by Uncle Soda » Sun Mar 03, 2013 10:18 am

I have been meaning to write here for a long time now, but it seems everything is scheduled for soon these days. This weekend I am back in Torino at Laura’s parents’ house, and things are unusually peaceful, so I’ll grab this moment.

It’s been a month since 70k and it was such a good idea to go. I guess more or less all of you saw me in a bad state at some point, but I think most of you also got to share a drink or a laugh with me when I was enjoying being onbroad. I came home with a lot of good memories, an incredible amount of nice things were said, and being re-united with friends from all over the world with my brother at the steering wheel was exactly what I needed. It is impossible to escape, but there are moments of light, and you guys sure know how to provide them. As you know I am very proud of my brother, but I was also very proud of you all when I introduced Tobias to our 70k family <3

Coming back to our apartment after the cruise was not bad. I found myself looking forward to being home again. Some friends picked me up at the airport and stayed the night.

Later that week I went to Italy for the ceremony with the ashes. I went there early to prepare. I had been very scared of this journey, and I spoke a lot about it with my therapist. Because of this trip I decided to go back to work the week after. I figured I would be a wreck after Italy, and hoped that I would be more easily distracted going to work, which is the only thing I am already used to doing without Laura.

As it happened, going back to Italy was a great experience. I had made myself very nervous beforehand so arriving in Milano airport, and taking the bus to Torino was dreadful. But as soon as I saw Laura’s father, I felt very welcome and loved. I was not nervous about meeting Laura’s parents but I was surprised that I was THAT glad to see them. Friday morning Laura’s best friend arrived in Torino. She is Italian, and also speaks perfect English, and on top of this she has a lot of experience from “live translation”. So I could speak “fluently” with Laura’s parents without trying to find the right words, or struggling to understand what they say. We get by when it is about “normal stuff” but discussing our feelings and memories takes a lot more. Laura’s parents had a lot of things they wanted to ask me, and we had a good talk for several hours that was very helpful. It helped all of us prepare for the ceremony the day after.

On this day I also decided I wanted to talk in the church. As you know, ours is the pagan way, so I had had to make my mind up about the church. To me, the real ceremony was in Copenhagen. So Laura and I had already done what we had to do ceremony wise. To me, taking the ashes to Italy, and doing a ceremony in a church, is only one thing - a gift and a favour from Laura and me, to Laura’s parents. This is also how I feel now.

But while in church I felt a bit uncomfortable when hearing the priest talk. I had brought some photos of us that I kept looking at, and I also had our brave little Warrior, Arcibaldo, with me, wearing his Viking outfit and the Finnish kilt that Laura made for him. This kept me “in place” while I waited. And then at the end of the ceremony I spoke. I said a few words to Laura in Danish first, to find my voice. And then I spoke in Italian.

It was a very epic moment, for lack of a better description. I could barely speak, because I was crying so much. And speaking directly to Laura made it feel so private. And yet, I was very aware that there were over a hundred people in the church. Many of them had never seen Laura and me together. Some of them had not seen Laura for 10-15 years. It was painful, but in a good way. It felt so good to tell everybody what Laura and I have. I didn’t mind crying so much in front of all these strangers. I just wanted them to know about us. Pouring so much grief out at the same time actually felt good.
The best thing about the trip though, was that for the first time I had a few short moments where I found myself thinking about our sweet things unprovoked. It is difficult to describe, but I still find it very difficult to enjoy and return to the good memories. Photos, stories, and things like that can bring some joyful memories up, but when I am alone, and I really need them, they are too far away.

But in Italy I had these moments where I just had a quick picture, or a sound, flash by in my head. It is somewhat comforting to get reminded that the “real us” is still in there.

So I went home from Italy and felt that I had actually found and experienced something that can help me.
Unfortunately this was too optimistic. I am thankful for that beautiful weekend in Italy, but after that things have been very difficult. Going back to London was a trauma. I thought I was going to a place where there would be fewer “reminders”. Instead, I ended up in the only place where I was already used to missing Laura, and subsequently used to looking forward to going back home to Laura. Walking the streets of London I sort of realized what all this actually means. It was the first time I was not surrounded by people who know what is happening, and the “normal world” seemed so cold and unforgiving. I have been in bad shape the whole time I guess, but being in London made me feel so left behind. It’s like I didn’t understand how much I miss Laura until then. Overseeing this risk was a big mistake. I had been so focused on Italy beforehand, so I didn’t speak to anyone about going to London.

In the beginning I had some “unspoken” sense way down inside myself, that said that Laura will come home again one day. I didn’t speak or think about it. I didn’t even notice it was there. But I felt it when it disappeared. And now I am much more aware. I cry less, even though I want to cry, and instead I have long spans of some kind of emptiness that I still haven’t been able to describe in a way where I feel that I can share it.

I have been working for 3 weeks now, and the week in London was the worst. After that I have been in Baarn in Holland and it was less traumatic. Work in itself is actually ok. I am good at it, so it is not that stressful, and I have some good colleagues. Problem is that I “miss” my grief when I rest. If I get distracted for a few hours, those hours have been added up in the background so the backlash always comes sooner or later. On the other hand, working makes the time go a bit faster. This matters a lot right now. I cannot believe it has been less than two months. Most of the time it feels like it has always been like this. It is very difficult to go further back in time. Hopefully those moments I experienced in Italy will start happening more often.

Next week I will go to our beloved Finland and meet all our friends in Helsinki. I have been nervous about this too, but as I write this I feel confident that it will be a good thing. A lot of grief of course, but that happens everywhere. I look forward to seeing our friends again, and I hope that the city of Helsinki will still feel like Our City.

Meanwhile, there have been good moments too.

I have had friends from Stockholm visiting me.

An incredible out-of-the-blue phone call from someone I haven’t talked to in three years helped me see things from a different perspective for a short time. On top of that it convinced me to stop smoking (successfully so far).

My brother Tobias keeps calling me several times a day, delivering love, advice, comfort and some truly hilarious moments.
A friend in Copenhagen gave me some beautiful big prints with Laura and me that are gracing our walls now. I love to look at them.

The therapist I go to is very good, and easy to trust.

This forum’s official stats man, Dallas, wrote to me and told me that he had caught Petri’s guitar pick from when Ensiferum dedicated Lai Lai Hei to Laura, and he wanted to send it to me. Which he did.

Tobias had recorded the Ensiferum dedication which I though was a beautiful thing to do.

Our own Memnoch, Ville, offered to go to Switzerland with me to see Moonsorrow and Primordial. In the end I decided I could not do it, but this resulted in me going to Finland next week.

And how about this? Today, while having lunch in Laura’s parents’ kitchen, we watched an Amon Amarth DVD, and I taught Laura’s mother how to do the fork sign properly. “No, the thumb stays inside the sign, mama”.

I miss my sweetheart so much. I feel angry and cheated. I have mornings where I don’t remember at first, and the moment when it all comes back is impossible to describe. I feel so friggin’ lost. But sometimes I remember how much help I am getting, and that feels good. I wish I would remember it more often, but at least I am aware of it sometimes.

The last few weeks have been harder than before, but today, here in Torino, I feel closer to Laura. Compared to how things have been the last few weeks, this makes a difference, and I am thankful for that.
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Re: Remembering Laura (MadameLePink)

by TOM CRUISE » Sun Mar 03, 2013 11:25 am

Fredrik- Thank you for sharing that with us, it was beautiful. I laughed, smiled, cried reading it...... Peace be with you. Have a great time in Finland !!
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Re: Remembering Laura (MadameLePink)

by gnoff_the_creep » Sun Mar 03, 2013 12:16 pm

Fredrik, I also want to thank you for sharing this!

Did make me cry again, but I don't care, in a way it shows I can still care and feel loss, but also remember the great times and know I will have those memories forever.


Yesterday we were drinking a bunch of beers and discussion a lot of things and memories.
Bacon came up, as it often does, and with that the bacon festival with the actual bacon, the bacon vodka and the bacon crackers.
This was when I realized I had not told my Swedish friends who visited Tuska with me the two years about Laura's passing, so told them last night as i mentioned above.

They reacted with shock and sadness, remembering how Laura was so happy and friendly, and what an amazing connection everyone could to see that her and you Fredrik had together.
We talked about this and could again focus on the good memories.

When my last friends left and I wrote my previous post in this thread I started crying again, then went back and reread this whole thread with tears constantly running.


I want to thank you for coming to the cruise though and also a big thank you for Tobias for being so extremely helpful and strong, making sure you would be OK.
Though I feel loss and grief still, and can not imagine how you feel or are able to deal with it, I am happy to have met both of you as well as your amazing brother and hope we will remain friends and see each other many more times around the world in the coming years.

<3
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Re: Remembering Laura (MadameLePink)

by mooyagi » Sun Mar 03, 2013 5:25 pm

Fredrik, thank you for sharing that. Stay strong my friend.
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Re: Remembering Laura (MadameLePink)

by DrinkMoxie » Sun Mar 03, 2013 5:25 pm

Fredrik, I know I can't truly relate to how you feel, yet, the warm gooey hopeless romantic in me still feels so strongly for you, and I totally feel you've been cheated, and that sucks. But, some day I hope just knowing you had live so strong can be a comfort for you.
I can't imagine how hard it must be sometimes... I'm glad you have so many people lookin' out for ya, and I wish I could be one of those people.
*hug*
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Re: Remembering Laura (MadameLePink)

by KDibildeaux » Sun Mar 03, 2013 6:34 pm

Fredrik, thanks for sharing. It's very brave of you to share what you've been going through and I'm happy to see that you've had some peaceful moments. I hope these moments continue and become more frequent. It was so nice hanging out with you and Tobias on the shop. It's clear that each of you has an awesome brother in each other and it's obvious how much you appreciate each other.

It's excellent that you've decided to quit smoking! Keep it up and remember that if you slip you can always try again. It takes time.

Hugs!
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Re: Remembering Laura (MadameLePink)

by Memnoch » Mon Mar 11, 2013 12:23 am

Yay for the smoke-free Freddi! :beerwink:

I don't think I can even begin to describe how awesome the weekend was with Freddi and gnoffi in town. I know how hard it was for Fredrik to come to Helsinki without Laura, but I think in the end it was a good thing to do. Hopefully this trip helped Helsinki to become "Fredrik's town" and still remain "Fredrik&Laura's town", if that makes any sense.
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Re: Remembering Laura (MadameLePink)

by cowboy71 » Mon Mar 11, 2013 3:39 am

Absolutely beautiful mate. Thank you so much for sharing with us all.

*BIG HUGS!*

And all the best with quitting smoking! I smoked from when I was probably 15 for about 20 years. Tried many times to quit, but a cigarette has not touched my lips since I met Luelle five years ago.

Its hard to do, but I know you can do it :)
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Re: Remembering Laura (MadameLePink)

by gnoff_the_creep » Fri Mar 15, 2013 8:48 pm

Helsinki was a great weekend with friends, fun, bacon, music, beers, shows and the crazy drunk we had to get away from and he still found us at the Primordial show!

All in all, I am very glad I went to Helsinki and shared awesome times with great friends!

I am sure Laura was spending time with us there as well, laughing at all the crazy things happening, still miss you dear!

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Re: Remembering Laura (MadameLePink)

by gnoff_the_creep » Fri Mar 29, 2013 4:23 am

70k main site have updated the photo stream, a pic of Fredrik and Laura is there <3
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Re: Remembering Laura (MadameLePink)

by cowboy71 » Fri Mar 29, 2013 5:35 am

gnoff_the_creep wrote:70k main site have updated the photo stream, a pic of Fredrik and Laura is there <3

I noticed that too. So incredibly awesome.

Such a beautiful photo too <3
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Re: Remembering Laura (MadameLePink)

by Uncle Soda » Tue Apr 02, 2013 11:30 am

cowboy71 wrote:
gnoff_the_creep wrote:70k main site have updated the photo stream, a pic of Fredrik and Laura is there <3

I noticed that too. So incredibly awesome.

Such a beautiful photo too <3


I finally saw it too. It's so nice to see. The picture is from our first ever metal trip to Finland :shred:

I love this picture <3
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Re: Remembering Laura (MadameLePink)

by WizardBeast » Tue Apr 02, 2013 8:26 pm

Uncle Soda wrote:
cowboy71 wrote:
gnoff_the_creep wrote:70k main site have updated the photo stream, a pic of Fredrik and Laura is there <3

I noticed that too. So incredibly awesome.

Such a beautiful photo too <3


I finally saw it too. It's so nice to see. The picture is from our first ever metal trip to Finland :shred:

I love this picture <3


it's a wonderful picture that represents a small but amazing sample of the highest caliber people we've all been lucky enough to meet on these cruises. så mycket kärlek!
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Re: Remembering Laura (MadameLePink)

by metalgoddess » Thu Apr 04, 2013 7:37 pm

It is so touching, what a beautiful picture.
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Re: Remembering Laura (MadameLePink)

by Memnoch » Thu Apr 18, 2013 10:47 pm

So, today would've been Laura's birthday. I can only imagine what Fredrik is going through today. :cry:
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Re: Remembering Laura (MadameLePink)

by DrinkMoxie » Fri Apr 19, 2013 6:10 am

Memnoch wrote:So, today would've been Laura's birthday. I can only imagine what Fredrik is going through today. :cry:

yeah :cry:
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Re: Remembering Laura (MadameLePink)

by Laura » Fri Apr 19, 2013 7:38 am

I'll always remember Laura's sunny smile & disposition. :D I don't know what exact year birthday it would have been for her today, but at the very least, I know she was many years younger than I am and her life was cut short far too early & rapidly. She & Fredrik clearly had a lot of living still to do. I'll never understand why these (bad) things happen (to good people) - I gave up trying long ago when all I ever hit was a mental brick wall. What I do know, however, is that people like Laura continually inspire me to appreciate each day and the people who surround me.
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Re: Remembering Laura (MadameLePink)

by mooyagi » Fri Apr 19, 2013 12:04 pm

Memnoch wrote:So, today would've been Laura's birthday. I can only imagine what Fredrik is going through today. :cry:


:cry: :cry: :cry:
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Re: Remembering Laura (MadameLePink)

by Memnoch » Fri Apr 19, 2013 4:16 pm

Laura, it would've been her 40th birthday.
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Re: Remembering Laura (MadameLePink)

by metalgoddess » Fri Apr 19, 2013 6:17 pm

Hugs...speechless
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